Are your outcomes intentionally created? Or are you more often reacting to things as they happen to you?
People are each so very different. In the same family, we have different standards of clean, different tolerances of pain, and too many others to count.
So how can we live peacefully together without feeling like we have been railroaded? That our preferences don't matter and that other's opinions are more important than our own?
We do it by creating it that way.
When you say exactly what you mean, leaving less open to interpretation, you more often get people to respond the way you want them to.
In relationships we often say, "Well they should know. It's common decency."
Truth is that they should not know. Not unless you say what you mean. There are endless ways to understand every phrase. Inflection, personal histories, individual priorities, and endless other variables can alter how a single phrase is understood.
This fact is what makes people read more into a situation than needed too. This fact is what causes overthinking. None of this extra stuff is needed. Only listen to what they say, and you can hold them to their words alone.
If they wanted you to know more than what their words said then it is their responsibility to communicate that clearly to you. You are not responsible to derive things that are hiding or aren't there.
Ask for what you need. No one will advocate for you if you don't.
We are all here on this earth wrapped up in our own unique drama and develop a tunnel vision as though the world revolves around us.
It's not a personal offense when someone gets wrapped up in their own life and don't pay as much attention to you as you feel you deserve from them. It has no reflection on your worth to them. If you only asked, they would likely be happy to oblige.
People only have so much attention to give, we are all pulled in a million directions by life, and we all do the best we can.
Ask for what you need, people typically love being helpful. You will get what you want far more often if only you ask for it.
Don't assume anything of others, if you are confused about their intention then ask them.
Asking when they have an ill motive will confront them and put the responsibility back onto them to own up to their evil intent. It is their problem after all and not yours if this is true.
Asking when their motive is pure and you are incorrectly reading into it, will clear things up quickly. You will all be able to move forward more and you won't waste time torturing yourself needlessly muling over what you think they mean. Then only finding out you're wrong if you happen to get lucky. Be intentional.
People need to be taught how to treat you. They don't know. They want different treatment than you want and that is all that they understand... unless you tell them.
How much time do you invest in building your relationships? How intentional are you in creating the outcomes you want for yourself?