Relationships are tough. Everyone knows this. We expect it to be hard and then when it is difficult we can’t seem to think of anything else or even see past all the hurt. The crazy thing about the strongest love is that it also brings the possibility of the most painful hurt right along with it. You cannot have one without the other.
Anytime you have two people, with two minds, two histories, two ways of thinking, two everything there will at times be mistakes made. These mistakes could be emotional outbursts from your own personal pain overflowing onto your partner. It could be intentional mud slinging and verbal assaults issued to deflect from your own guilt, yes your own defense mechanisms can cause further pain and damage to your marriage if you aren’t watchful and have the skills to manage intense feelings. The mistakes could be something said and completely misunderstood that causes emotional devastation to a marriage. The pain could come from literally anywhere.
So how do we navigate a relationship when it is designed to grow conflict? Afterall, life is a series of our own personal challenges to navigate and grow from to get to the next challenge. A marriage is no exception. To get to the final level you have to learn to survive each new challenge and grow together, advancing your skills with each challenge. You aren’t in this game to win, you are playing to survive and grow as a team.
Do you have all the skills you need to succeed together? Were you taught these valuable lessons in elementary school? High School? Anywhere? Probably not. Most of us learn these skills together the hard way. The hard way is the greatest teacher, but not always the easiest teacher.
Asking for help, an education in relating skills, to enhance the power you have to grow through your next challenge is not weak, not admitting defeat. No, it is quite the opposite. Asking for help from a professional, well versed in helping couples build their healthy relating skills to better be able to weather the harder storms is the smartest thing you can do. It is the best tool in your toolbox.
Everyone can benefit from a mentor, someone who has been there and done that. Especially if this mentor is trained in psychology and a certified coach who knows how to guide you to new levels of understanding. Asking for help is always the right answer. You were not made to know everything and be self sufficient. Humans work best when we work together and share our knowledge where we are the strongest and take advice when we need help from others who are stronger. Life is at its best in these moments.
5 Reasons You Should Hire a Marriage Coach:
Our instincts and the rules we learned that apply to a peaceful society do not often work in a marriage relationship. The skills required are often what we would call counterintuitive. If you are doing everything right and still feeling like you’re always losing in your marriage then you need support. A coach can help you see things from different angles and help you learn the skills to create a healthy marriage.
Coaching is working to get to the future you most want and counseling is more geared towards working through the past. If you are done with the past, you know how the past works and you know the past is not what you want anymore. If you are ready to empower yourself to move on from there to create better tomorrows together despite the past then coaching is your tool. A coach will keep you forward focused and not let the past trap you in its continued hurt. Coaching is about taking action and moving forward.
Are you facing this dangerous moment right now? Does it feel like marriage should not be this hard? There are intense emotions at play when a marriage is under great stress. Maybe fears, worry, or anger, are dominating your life at the moment. A coach can help you see and even start to understand why those feelings are there, what they are trying to show you and how best to heal from these damaging emotions. A coach will work with you to replace behaviors that lead to this hurtful place you know so well. Together, you will invite paths to places that are past the hurt and pain of the old and grow into something new and stronger.
A stressful marriage is bad for your physical health, your emotional health, and even your financial health. When things are not working in our marriage and we are stressed it affects so many areas of our lives. We spend money to compensate for other areas we aren’t happy. We make unhealthy choices when we are feeling emotionally safe. It is a minefield, a recipe for disaster. Divorce can cost thousands and thousands of dollars. Just like our gym membership, our vitamin purchases, and our expensive hair cuts, our marriage requires our investment too. It is far less impactful or expensive than the other options listed here to hire a marriage coach and invest in growing your relationship strong and healthy too.
Who do you reach out for help from when you have relationship problems to work through? Everyone you know will usually be glad to side with you or share their thoughts but the problem is they are not experts, they have their own biases, and they are not part of your marriage. A coach doesn’t take sides, they have no hidden agenda. A coach will be someone who you can count on to give you support to move forward and grow stronger together.
Don’t waste another minute repeating the same arguments you know so well. Don’t run in the same circles that keep you feeling trapped with no way out that you can see. Hire a Marriage Coach and start putting forward driven action into your marriage. You weren’t properly trained for this relationship game, but now is the time to start. Marriage is a work in progress involving two people who are individually works in progress. Learning the skills to equip yourself to best survive in this game is essential and worth it!
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