The Truth About Mean Words

Your feelings are in fact your own, this means you are in charge of them alone. No one can make you feel any particular way unless you allow them to.

Normally when we allow other's to impact our feelings it is because on some level we agree to their opinions.

Sometimes these opinions are valid and sometimes they are simply mean.

Whether or not they are true is irrelevant. The point is we do this on auto-pilot. We feel because of other's opinions when we believe their truth (usually due to guilt), and also when we do not believe their opinions to be true (usually because they hurt us.) No one wants others to think bad of them.

The problem is that we cannot control what others will think of us. Not ever. People will say hurtful things and it has absolutely nothing to do with us.

If we are aware that others cannot MAKE us feel, we get to decide for ourself if it is our own problem... or theirs.

If we believe their opinions to be true and feel guilty for not living up to their expectations we can agree to feel the way they intend. Then, again, their words or actions did not MAKE us feel that way. We feel that way because we feel that way, others just called us out and deepened our own hurt. This happens to all of us from time to time. We are not perfect.

The most wonderful way to use this tool is when the others who attempt to impact our feelings say things that we do not believe are true. When we think they are intending to hurt our feelings.

To clarify, let me say this the other way... When someone tries to hurt my feelings unjustly, their opinions are their own and I will not allow their problems to become mine.

We see this happen all the time if it is the crazy stranger yelling rude things to everyone who passes on the street. We hear him and give him no mind. His problems are his and his words have nothing to do with me. You and your friends may even share a laugh as he calls you fat and ugly as you walk by.

The place our feelings get confused is when these words come from someone that we want to like us.... or at least not NOT like us.

Because we have the expectations that they should like us, when they are mean, we are let down. Our feelings are hurt.

The truth though is, that if that person wants to be so mean... why do we value their opinion anymore than the crazy person yelling on the street? Perhaps, we should write off this in the same way.

When someone is intentionally mean to me, it is their problem and not mine. I will not compromise my feelings to accommodate their opinions when they clearly do not have any consideration for mine.

I will not allow, their opinion of me to make me feel anything except for a small amount of compassion for them since they seem to think acting that way is the best way to live.

It acts as a double blessing. This line of thinking will protect yourself from others impacting your feelings and it also is a small bit of justice served.

People who are mean just to be mean are expecting a reaction. They feed off this reaction and use it to prop themselves up.

When they fail to get that reaction though, by you not buying into their slights, anyone who is watching can easily see who is the jerk and who is the better person.

Being confident, and not allowing others to impact your feelings is very powerful and attractive.

Be careful to ensure you are not allowing others to make you feel, unless you agree to it as well and want to invite that feeling for you to work through.

Let this phrase be a filter for you. Always question if you are allowing too much from people who would not do the same for you.

There is healthy criticism and harmful criticisms... not not accept the harmful ones. They are not yours to accept. They have more truth to say about the person issuing them then they say about you.

#GrowUpAlready!