Which type of person are you?
Sep 22, 2020
Are you a giver or are you a taker?
Givers often like to think that they have the higher ground, are better people than takers, and that everyone should be givers as a basic human decency.
Only, takers bring a great value to the world too. It is not that takers are not givers but more that they also understand the value in receiving. Takers will often give like givers but only when they want to or have to do it.
There are lessons here for both givers and takers.
To you who are Givers, please understand that you are not doing takers any favors by continuing to give to them. Takers look at giving and know that giving comes with many rewards of good feeling to the giver.
Takers do not over give and therefore do not know the toll that over-giving can take on the selfless giver. Therefore, a taker will always take what is offered from the giver with no understanding or thought that they are in any way taking advantage of the giver.
The giver often will mistake this endless taking as being taken advantage of. The giver will often mistake it for the taker not being grateful. Often the giver will wonder why the taker is not going to the same lengths to help the giver.
None of this could be further from the truth. Takers have no ill will or idea that they are inconveniencing the giver in any way. The takers expectations are very different than the expectations of the giver.
Here's where it gets interesting...
A taker will be more self sufficient and do what they need to do but only when the giver stops doing it for them. The taker may complain at first because they are not used to it, but after they begin doing it themselves they will step up and even be proud of their new found self sufficiency.
A giver needs to learn the difference between giving of themselves and enabling the taker to be lazy like they are inclined to be when help is offered. Instead, the giver should encourage a taker to step up and do themselves at a point, therefore gifting the taker with the pride of a job well done.
Takers tend to be more oblivious to the intricacies of this delicate dance. They will nearly always err on the side of taking all help wherever they can get it.
This makes it largely the givers responsibility to manage this balance for themselves and the taker if they care for that person.
Givers are usually hyper sensitive to knowing what they are giving and how much the taker is taking. It is this knowledge that makes them suited to manage this balance that takers are rarely aware of.
Takers appear on the outside to be lazy or selfish. However the truth is a little different.
Those things you see as lazy or selfish are only byproducts of the character traits that enable them to cherish the value of receiving. To a giver, the way takers can take and take makes the giver think this way.
However, the taker is almost always taking what is offered gratefully. If it wasn't offered to a taker they would usually be content to do it themselves or even do without and both options are often fine to the taker.
So takers - be aware of givers' sensitivities. Try to watch for moments when you could be more self sufficient but are truly being lazy and you are aware of it.
And givers - stop over-giving when it is enabling or when it is because you want it for the taker more than they want it for themselves.
It is when no one is there to help that we step up and take the actions we need to take.
Build awareness into your giving and taking...
Happy Building!
Renee
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Author
Renee Lowry
Author
Renee Lowry is a Certified Transitional Coach and Relationship Expert in New York, NY. This mother of two beautiful girls and wife of twenty plus years has been called Emotions Public Relations Representative. She embraces this title because her passion is helping people understand that emotions are valuable tools, given to enable us to receive the best life has to offer.
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